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Unlocking Marital Bliss: A Relationship Coach's Guide to Understanding and Solving Common Causes of Divorce

17 Sep

Discover the most common causes of divorce and how to solve marital problems from a seasoned Relationship and Family Coach.

Couple holding hands and talking across a table

Divorce is a complex and multifaceted issue that affects not just the couple involved but also their children families, friends, and even communities. As a seasoned Relationship and Family Coach, I've spent years helping couples navigate the intricate maze of marital discord.

With a focus on educating, motivating, and inspiring, I've seen firsthand the common threads that often lead to the unravelling of a marriage. As a child of divorce and a divorcee myself I have also experienced this firsthand and used my own lessons to create a happy second marriage and help my clients do the same. In this blog, I'll delve into the most frequent causes of divorce, backed by years of professional experience and a deep understanding of relationship dynamics.

Emotional Disconnect: The Silent Killer

One of the most prevalent causes of divorce is emotional disconnect. Couples may share a home, finances, and even children, but if they're not emotionally connected, the relationship is on shaky ground. Emotional intimacy is the glue that holds a marriage together, and without it, couples often feel like roommates rather than life partners. Emotional disconnect often stems from a lack of quality time together, poor communication, and unmet emotional needs.  Life gets busy and if you do not prioritise your relationship, your connection and meeting each other's needs, over time, the emotional bonds that once held the relationship together start to fray, leading to a sense of loneliness and isolation even when you're in the same room.

How to fix it

Prioritise your relationship and each other by spending quality time together, engaging in meaningful conversations and being open about your emotional needs. Consider relationship coaching to explore emotional blind spots and develop deeper emotional intelligence skills.

Lack of Communication: The Root of Many Problems

Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. When couples stop talking, misunderstandings and resentments start to build. As a Relationship Coach, I often find that poor communication is usually a symptom of deeper issues, such as lack of trust or emotional vulnerability. Poor communication can result from fear of conflict, emotional vulnerability, or past unresolved issues. This can lead to a toxic cycle where both partners feel misunderstood and unappreciated, exacerbating other problems in the relationship. Once this happens it can be hard to save the relationship and makes it difficult to part ways amicably or co-parent going forward.

How to fix it

Seek professional help like couples coaching before it is too late can give you, practice active listening, and create a safe space for open dialogue. Work on developing communication skills that allow for vulnerability and emotional openness.

Financial Strain: More Than Just Money

While money itself is a neutral entity, the way couples handle finances can be a significant stressor. Disagreements about spending, saving, and financial responsibilities can quickly escalate into larger conflicts that strain the marriage. This has only been heightened by the recent economic pressure of the financial crisis. 

Financial strain can often be the catalyst for deeper issues like trust, security, and power dynamics within the relationship.

How to fix it

Create a joint budget, have regular financial check-ins, and consider consulting a financial advisor. Openly discuss your financial values and long-term goals to ensure you're on the same page.

Infidelity: A Symptom, Not Just a Cause

Infidelity is often cited as a leading cause of divorce. However, the act itself is usually the culmination of other underlying issues in the marriage, such as emotional neglect, lack of intimacy, or dissatisfaction. Rebuilding trust after infidelity is a long process and, for some couples, the damage is irreparable. Infidelity often occurs when emotional or physical needs are not met within the marriage. It's usually a symptom of deeper dissatisfaction and emotional neglect, rather than the root cause of marital discord.

How to fix it

Address the root causes of dissatisfaction, seek therapy, and work on rebuilding trust. Both partners need to be committed to the healing process, which may involve uncomfortable but necessary conversations about unmet needs and future expectations.

Lack of Intimacy: More Than Physical

This brings me to my next point and a key component in a happy healthy relationship, intimacy. Intimacy is not just about sex, it is also about physical closeness and emotional connection. A lack of intimacy can manifest in various ways, from reduced sexual activity to a lack of meaningful conversations. Often, infidelity can be a symptom of this deeper issue. A decline in intimacy like infidelity is usually a symptom cause. The cause can be due to stress, an imbalance in the relationship, self-confidence and emotional disconnect, or health issues. Over time, this can lead to a platonic relationship that lacks both physical and emotional closeness.

How to fix it 

The trick is to get to the root cause of the issue, there is an opportunity to work together to find the cause and remedy it rather than point fingers. Be open about your needs, seek medical advice if necessary, and consider couples therapy focused on intimacy issues. Intimacy is a two-way street, requiring both partners to be emotionally present and willing to work on the relationship.

The Allure of Greener Grass: Distractions and Options

In today's digital age, distractions are abundant, and options seem limitless. This can make it tempting to think the grass is greener on the other side, leading some to exit their marriages in search of something "better," only to find that every relationship comes with its own set of challenges. We are all guilty of being sucked into the glossy portrayal of other people's lives on social media. The truth is every relationship takes work and if you love the person you are with and want to have the life you think others are having then you both need to put the work into making that happen. Your relationship and your happiness are your responsibility, you get out what you put in. 

How to fix it.

Take the time to decide what you want from your relationship and your life together, and communicate openly about your needs and desires. Create a vision together and work together to make that happen. You can always work with a relationship coach to help you come up with the strategies and tools to make this happen. 

Societal Pressures: The Superwoman and the Modern Man

Women today are often expected to be a "Superwoman," juggling career, home, and family effortlessly. This unrealistic expectation can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction. On the other hand, men face the pressure to be financial providers while also being emotionally available and in touch with their feelings, yet still perceived as "manly." These conflicting expectations can create a lot of internal and external tension in marriages. Societal norms and expectations can place undue stress on both men and women, leading to internal and marital conflict. Women are often expected to juggle career, home, and family, while men are expected to be both emotionally available and financially successful.

How to fix this 

Communicate openly about the pressures each of you feels and work together to challenge and redefine those roles and expectations and balance yourselves and your relationship. Consider engaging in couples coaching to dismantle harmful societal norms that may be affecting your relationship.

Prevention is Better Than Cure

Understanding the common causes of divorce can offer couples valuable insights into their own relationships. With the right tools, strategies, and professional guidance, it's possible to address these issues before they escalate into deal-breakers. As a Relationship and Family Coach with years of experience, I believe that prevention is better than cure.

If you find yourself relating to any of these common causes, remember that help is available. From relationship coaching to therapy and supportive communities, there are numerous resources designed to help you navigate these challenges and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

By incorporating my years of experience and expertise in relationship dynamics, I hope this blog serves as a useful guide for understanding the complexities that often lead to divorce. The journey to a happy, fulfilling marriage may be fraught with challenges, but it's a journey worth taking.

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