Why do I do what I do? A divorcee myself, the impact of my own experience has led me to the career I have today, this is my story.
My parents were loving and caring towards me, but it did not prevent the breakdown of their marriage having an impact. My sister and I were the casualties of what became a toxic situation and we witnessed first-hand what can happen when children become pawns. But it wasn’t just us, my dad had been divorced before and there were outcomes for my half-siblings too. It’s not unrelated that in my family - all four of the siblings have gone through a divorce and separation themselves. And why is this the case?
I have given this some thought. My own upbringing, like so many people, in a blended family, and my parents’ divorce defined my perspectives (as well as that of my siblings), and my perception of divorce. I lost my Dad at 21 and, looking for stability, ran too quickly into a toxic relationship, thinking I knew best. I was married at 25 despite having serious doubts about what I and others would think. I repeated the same mistakes as my parents and found myself confused, frustrated and disappointed.
In hindsight it would have been financially and emotionally a lot less costly if I had walked away. My boundaries on what was right became sorely tested, and eventually I knew I had to divorce. Realistically, my ex husband and I weren’t suited and would never have lasted. In an attempt to prove I wasn’t my parents I had recreated the same outcome.
Despite knowing this was right, I still faced the same elements of shame that so many divorcees face, the fear of what others think, being a failure, the backlash from work. I only wish someone had been there to help and give me advice.
Today I am a very different person, I have married again and my marriage is completely different to my first and that of my parents. Why? Because I follow my advice and allow for self-reflection, taking responsibility and the healing that is required to truly move on and allow myself to succeed.
Below is what I have learnt and I hope it’s helpful to you so you too can move on and succeed:
I don’t regret getting married, or divorced. My own experience and healing has led me to a career I love – helping people to divorce amicably so that they can move on and form new successful relationships which benefit all. In my time I have learnt that divorce wasn’t an end, it is a beginning and everyone deserves to have the same opportunity.
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