We have all heard the horror stories of divorce, even if you haven’t experienced it. We all know of someone who has, or have seen the brutality of it played out in the media or in drama, movies etc. Divorce has become a dirty word for a failed marriage that ends in a battle and leaves two people bitter and broken, shamed by their friends and family. And culturally we are still holding on to an old fashioned idea of marriage that doesn’t fit the time or is reflective of our society.
When my parents divorced in the late 80’s I didn’t know anyone else whose parents were divorced, so when I started school to my knowledge I was the only one who had two homes. Today with 42% of marriages ending in divorce it is a lot more common and a blended family is the modern one. And yet still divorcing couples and blended families are plagued with the shame that creates defensive and/or aggressive behaviour. Even this morning I read an article saying that it is not possible to have an amicable divorce. It is my mission to change this antiquated, unhelpful, unhealthy and frankly damaging mindset.
So here is my manifesto for change:
- To abolish the idea that divorce is a failure and remove the shame associated with choosing happiness over a miserable marriage.
- To re-educate people on how to get the most out of themselves, take responsibility for their own life and be empowered to create the life they want.
- To banish the blame culture of divorce. With few exceptions, you both committed to this marriage, you both had your part in its beginning and it’s end.
- To normalise divorce so that it is planned and carried out as a process in which people think through their decisions, plan and budget accordingly like you would with a house move or a change of career.
- For everyone to have access to the right support (emotional, legal and practical) to ensure that everyone can navigate this successfully.
- To set a good example to our children so they will never know the pain of bitter divorce and make good healthy relationships that create a better future for them and future generations.
How to I intend to make good on this manifesto:
- By making my coaching available and affordable to all.
- By opening up my network of legal, financial, coaching and other holistic professionals to provide the right advice to ensure success.
- By raising awareness of the needed cultural change through social media, mainstream media and articles.
- By creating a community of like-minded people going through or having been through divorce so they can support one another and raise the awareness of this cause.
- By reaching out to children of divorce as adults and helping them to tell their story and be part of the change.
This change is possible, and one that is vital if we are going to build a better society for our children and their children. The work begins now, the support is available. And if you want to get involved, reach out to me. Divorce is not an end, it is a beginning.